Why most New Year resolutions fail
publication date: Jan 5, 2007
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Hi there
Don't you just hate New Year resolutions?
In the last week you can't open a biz opp ezine, Sunday supplement or newspaper without someone giving you their 'Top 10 Tips' for changing your life in 2007.
It's lazy, obvious and the advice is pretty much a complete waste of time.
That's why I'm not going to even attempt to fire you up to set your goals in this email. I think instead we need to take a hard look at what I believe is the reality of the situation. Only once we can accept some hard truths can we actually attempt to set goals with any confidence we will actually achieve them.
Apologies in advance if this is off the well-worn biz opp path, but it might just explain a few things . . . (don't worry I'll be back with lots of fresh ideas, news, scam alerts and all the rest in a few days!).
I am lucky enough to know a very wise old man. Let's call him Jim . . .
Jim has followed a rigorous spiritual path for 50 years and has sacrificed untold hours and super-efforts in his search of a harmonious life. He once put the foolishness of making resolutions into perspective. One day he told me:
'Nick, we are not one person . . . but many.'
He pointed out that our psychological inner landscape is made up of 'Many I's. Generally, we don't see the Many I's in ourselves because the illusion of unity is created by the physical sensation of one body, having one name during our life, and noticing the same habits and preferences in ourselves, so we believe we are the same.
But studied carefully, over time, in an objective way we see that from day to day and even minute to minute we occupy different I's. Now that may seem a little crazy - perhaps even schizophrenic in a multiple-personality kind of way - but let me give you some hard examples . . .
How many times will we make a promise to ourselves that we will do something differently the next day . . .
'I'll start my diet tomorrow . . .'
'I'll wake early tomorrow . . .'
'I'll give up smoking tomorrow . . .'
'I'll update my blog every day . . .'
'I'll watch those online money-making DVDs tomorrow . . .
'I'll begin my new business tomorrow?'
And yet . . . how many of us can honestly say that we can go into the next day, the next week or the next month with that same confidence and certainty that we will see through our new resolution?
In my experience, corresponding with thousands of people who have taken up business opportunities over the past 14 years - some who have paid thousands for high quality seminars, resale rights or systems - very few manage to actually make a success of it. Maybe 98% of people will lose momentum, get distracted, and ultimately accept defeat or put the course or whatever it is on the shelf to collect dust.
Maybe you have had similar experiences? But please don't despair, you're not alone. Every available space in my office is taken up with books, courses, reports, DVD sets that I have bought with the very best intentions of reading and acting upon!
The good news is it is not our fault - at least not consciously. If we accept that we are 'not one' then it is easy to explain why we can't stick to our plans and resolutions consistently over the long-term.
Certain I's gain dominance. And in the world of business opportunities certain I's can be drawn out by smart marketers to make certain decisions. I'm not saying that biz opp publishers are being unethical. Rather they understand that selling is as much a psychological exercise as it is a rational business skill.
We buy not what we need, but what we desire . . . we buy to placate our fears, to satisfy our wants, to placate our jealousy of another's good fortune . . .
You see, great persuasive copywriting has very little to do with the actual product or offer (though these are important). NO, the most successful and profitable copy - whether through skill or accident - targets the deeper emotional fears and desires. By playing on these powerful emotions your psychology actually changes . . . and it is one of these I's that gains control and is the one who gets the credit card out.
The same goes for high priced seminars - certain I's within us are present on those days - they are the I's who have made that commitment of hundreds or thousands of pounds and are determined to see it through.
And so we leave that seminar on a high promising ourselves that yes, this time it will be different. Yes, tomorrow I will start on my new business and every day after that will apply myself to it.
But when we awake the next morning, we may be in a completely different part of ourselves. Psychologically we are in a very different place. Even if the external conditions are favourable, inside we are markedly different.
The result? We feel less personal attachment to the project. We (or the I that is dominant) might put it off until tomorrow. We (the I) may find excuses and all manner of logical reasons why now is not the right time.
This may seem crazy on first hearing it, but study yourself a little more and you might begin to see that indeed we are not the same person all the time. Sometimes we are fired up, positive and focused. The next day we may be skeptical, negative and lack energy. The world or our circumstances may not have changed one jot, but our inner make-up will.
So what's the solution? How can we actually achieve what we set out to do? How can one make sure that our aims this year are not scuppered by the jostling of the many I's within?
You know me, I wouldn't leave you without some ways to tackle those inner gremlins. Here are a few ideas to keep your resolutions or goals on track:
*** Write your goals down! Not only will this act help you to help you think through what you really want to achieve by seeing it in black and white, it will also externalise your goals, take them away from the purely mental realm and help you to focus. And when you write down your goals make sure they are:
- Specific
- Realistic
- Explain exactly what you will give in exchange
- Set a time limit
*** Read it every day! If we really are 'not one, but many', then reading your goals out every morning is the perfect way to magnetise your inner psychology to attract the positive I's. Stick them up on your fridge, desk or wherever you are likely to see them everyday.
*** Make a contract with yourself! Create a simple contract on paper and sign it with a witness. This will strengthen your commitment to the project and add an extra emotional incentive.
Again, put it somewhere you will see everyday.
*** Get help! Another way to keep us on track is to get intervention or mentoring from an external source. Often you get peer support groups to help you return to your promise.
Think about Alcoholics Anonymous or Weight Watchers. Think about how raw army recruits are put throw an intense training period or even how some religious cults condition members to their worldview.
And it's exactly the same in the biz opp world . . . here we are, individuals left to our own devices attempting to stick to someone else's plan of how to make money. Now, unless we are particularly driven and literally 'single minded', we will struggle to follow through with our plans.
So go seek other like-minded people . . .
In 2007 you will be able to use the soon-to-launch WRMM website to network with othersadn share your experiences. Try and partner up with other members or failing that find friends or family members who share your aspirations. And of course in this email I will continue to bully, cajoule and support you along the way . . .
*** Find a Life Coach! One of my contacts in the Life Coaching world has offered me a free one-to-one sessions to identify my 3 main goals for the next 12 months and to come up with a plan to execute them. The coach will contact me every week or fortnight to make sure that I have not veered from the goals.
If this goes well - as you can probably tell, I am notoriously bad at keeping resolutions - then I will be talking to him about creating a bespoke Life Coaching programme for WRMM readers. Life Coaching has become THE hot self-improvement area of recent years. The media was full of interviews with coaches and their students over the New Year. It is estimated that in 2002 there were around 500 coaches in the UK; now there are more than 4,000, with many more in training.
Here's how it works: a life coaching sessions usually take place over the telephone and can cost between £35 and £200 for an hour-long session. Tutees will take as many calls a month as they feel necessary (usually between one and four) and coaching can continue for many years.
During the calls, the life coach will ask questions to help you get to the root of your problems, and then ask more questions to try to bring you to a point where you can find a solution. They will then help you to stick to your goals.
OK, so Life Coaching might be an expensive option. So what else can you do right now? Well, I will refer you back - once again - to 'Think & Grow Rich' by Napoleon Hill. Despite being over 70 years old, it still contains some brilliant insights and a practical step-by-step approach to setting goals and sticking to them. You can pick up a free copy by going here:
And if you want to know more about the teachings that wise old man shared with me, then I can highly recommend 'In Search of The Miraculous' by P.D Ouspensky. Warning: this book is NOT for the faint hearted and does not give the kind of saccharine advice you find in most of today's airy-fairy self-help books.
Alas, it is not in the public domain, but you can pick up a copy for £7.09 on amazon.co.uk.
Right, now I've got that off my chest, let's get back to business I'll send you another e-letter in a few days with all the usual ideas, biz opp news and advice . . .
Until then . . . stay single-minded!
Nick